Fallout, and more...

So, I have managed to piss off several people with my writings...this upsets me, a lot...never, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that my own personal thoughts and feelings would cause so many problems!  That said, anyone who reads what I write, knows this is from my heart and with no harm meant toward anyone.  Even though this is MY blog, there are things I choose to not write about as I know those thoughts WOULD jeopardize some of my relationships.  So, for now I will keep some of those thoughts to myself and share others.  Feel free to respond or discuss any of my thoughts with me - perhaps what I write will touch someone else's heart but that is not why I write; I write for myself, for my own sanity.  You may disagree, you may think I am crazy, you may be touched, you may even understand...

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First I had one person contact me because of something I neglected to say in one of my Mary stories - it was easy to edit in a change, which I did because my omission was important enough to fix.

The second person did not even contact me - instead, my daughter had to bear the brunt of texts to complain that:  I had no right to write what I did, what I wrote was hurtful and insensitive, that I was not a friend if I wrote things like that...and when Shannon suggested I be called to complain directly to me instead of her, she was told that I was cold and unemotional.  Oh, my.

The third person called me directly, getting my cell number from person #2.  I was told my writing was hurtful and insensitive to the family and all the others that were mentioned in my writing, that I had no business sharing personal details about someone who considered me a friend, that anyone on the internet could read all the terrible things I wrote if they chose to search, and furthermore, how would I like it if my own daughter chose to publish personal things like I wrote.  Wow...

I was told I should delete my second Mary story, or at the very least, take the names out...so I did just that.  The only names that remain, besides those of my family members, are Mary and Emily as they are central to the story.  Everyone else is referred to by one letter only and no last names are mentioned.  However, person #3 apparently chose to take her thoughts further by calling others to let them know just what a horrible thing I have done!  What will be next...a cease & desist order? a subpoena? a ticket for disturbing the peace?  a brick through my window or slashed tires?  I am flabbergasted at what a firestorm this has started.

Again, writing about my thoughts and feelings were NEVER meant to be hurtful to others!  So, why the growing backlash?  All because I chose to write about the problems of a person very dear to me?  The problem is, the world is not all sweetness and light and beauty and kindness and wonder - there is also hurt and ugliness and anger and despair and depression and many other problems.  The bad things do not go away just because others choose to ignore them.  And, a person is no less a friend because they have problems to deal with.  A friend is still there to be supportive, encouraging, and helpful.  But a real friend is not an enabler.

So, why is it so terrible to talk about "problems"?  Because it is embarrassing?  Hurtful?  No one's business?  The shame associated with any problem will continue as long as others allow it to be shameful.  I am very saddened that some people around Mary consider my writing to be an intrusion of her privacy.  The fact is, Mary's problems and her subsequent death affected many people quite deeply, and were talked about openly by the minister at her funeral service.  Being ashamed of her circumstances does nothing to help her or her memory, and pretending she had no problems would be perpetuating a lie and helps no one at all (unless you really like living with guilt).

In my writing I am trying to work out my own confusion and anguish over the senseless loss of my friend.  What could I have done differently?  Did I do enough or not enough?  Was it my place to do anything more?  I have been around people with "ism's" most of my life, and there are two important things I have learned:  1.  the person with the "ism" has to acknowledge their own problem and make the choice to fix it; and 2. you yourself cannot "fix" someone else with an "ism."  Why do others feel I have overstepped my friendship by expressing my thoughts and feelings about Mary's death due to her struggle with her "ism"?  Is it so embarrassing to them that it should be ignored?  Do they really think so little of Mary that they do not want to consider what we can do to try to keep her fate from happening to others? 

And finally, the answer to the question posed to me, "How would I like it if my own daughter wrote such things about you for others to read?"  My response was that I would not have a problem with it if it was the truth.  I was then told that I would be one of very few people who would think like that.  THAT really made me sad and perplexed...WHY do people really feel the need to hide everything, especially the truth?  And why would someone who considers herself a longtime friend of Mary's feel the need to only face the sunny side of her instead of the whole person?  I loved all of Mary, not just the sunny side.  Can she and all the others say that, too?

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Update - sadly, now I have been FB de-friended by two people over this.  While I certainly respect their feelings toward my writings, I find it sad they have no room in their hearts to respect my own feelings and thoughts.  I wish them both only the best; they were a big part of my family for the last 12 years and my heart hurts for them.